The characters of these movies live in tiny, single-traffic-light towns that have a population of 200 people, and yet somehow manage to miraculously make a living selling homemade pies or jams, wooden trains, or hats. (Just hats, no other merchandise in the shop. Hats.) Of course, some of them are mending porcelain dolls, handmade toys, or even old-timey clocks (yes there’s an actual movie with a clock-mending woman, who incidentally, goes on to become a princess…)
Christmas movies have become a massive business for many channels, even streaming services (such as Hallmark, Lifetime, Netflix, Disney, Hulu, etc.), and they seem to follow a rather precise formula. Must have elements: Christmas Tree farms, snow-covered idyllic little towns filled with kind people and tiny but somehow prosperous coffee shops and cake shops. Winter carnivals, Christmas festivals, Christmas Galas, Christmas open-air markets, baking competitions. Also, cutting your own wood, cutting your own Xmas tree, detangling Christmas lights, snow falling on cue on Christmas day, (and miraculously staying pristine), ice skating, falling on the snow and being unable to get up, widows and widowers, families wearing matching pyjamas on Christmas Eve, single mothers, single fathers, death in the family, gingerbread houses, homemade sugar cookies, some form of rivalry between families/neighbours/companies about some Xmas related event (who gets the job, the contract, and more commonly, who puts up the best light decorations) Parents of grown children who have been together forever and speak like they are medicated, losing your spouse a year ago, losing your mother to cancer two years ago, Marines, army veterans, the Troops. Also, cosy inns, rustic cabins, and cute dogs (acceptable breeds for movies aimed at Generation Xers: Golden Retrievers, Labradors, Beagles, Cocker Spaniels. For movies aimed at millennials and Generation Zs: Pomeranians or pugs – needless to say, “rescued” ones. For baby Boomers and older: Collies.) And last but not least, an endless supply of hot cocoa.
The small-town charm /Rural Life Vs the Big City nastiness is a popular Christmas movie trend now, and it is reminiscent of the 1994 Olivia Newton-John movie “A Christmas Romance”, which was very likely the prototype, the original “sinner” that launched a thousand cookie-cutter ones. Its plot is similar to so many other contemporary Christmas movies of this kind: a rich city guy comes into a small snow-covered community in order to foreclose the home of a single mum. He smashes his car, gets snowed in with her, learns the real meaning of Christmas, the value of homespun life, home-baked goods, and hand-crafted decorations, and falls in love with the widow and her adorable kids, and three days later, gets inspired to leave the big city and become an artist. The difference is, it was actually a rather good one, as these things go (corny and cheesy, sure, but kind of sweet too), but too many cheap variations were born out of it, that make its viewing tainted, so to speak, as it reminds you of the countless facsimiles, instead of the other way around.
Most of these movies are obviously aimed at being heartfelt and heartwarming, but end up being predictable, formulaic, and a little silly, while the actors seem to have forgotten how human beings react or talk. They are “sincere” in a bad way, and there are no jokes, no sense of irony, no edge, no conflict of any kind, or often not even a plot, and the stakes are so low, they are practically invisible. This is common for so many of these movies, that it might mean that this is all on purpose! That there is a scheme behind it, a self-awareness in whoever is making them, that demands this kind of blah acting and these kinds of vacuous storylines, so you won’t be distracted. This is obviously meant to be background viewing, something you watch while you are cooking the Christmas dinner, or decorating the tree or scrolling through social media. Speaking of acting: even actors you know can act, seem to have forgotten everything they know about their craft, which prompts you to shout to your screen: “You are better than this!” Or sometimes there’s a good actor who was usually big in the 90s or early 00s (a child actor, a sitcom star etc, so that the Generation Xers and the millennials will be hit with a good dose of nostalgia) who is deviating from the formula and is really making an effort, taking it seriously and trying his/her best not to get drawn in a sea of mutated performances, clanky dialogues and utterly silly storylines. But it somehow makes the whole thing even sadder.
The characters of these movies live in tiny, single-traffic-light towns that have a population of 200 people, and yet somehow manage to miraculously make a living selling homemade pies or jams, wooden trains, or hats. (Just hats, no other merchandise in the shop. Hats.) Of course, some of them are mending porcelain dolls, handmade toys, or even old-timey clocks (yes there’s an actual movie with a clock-mending woman, who incidentally, goes on to become a princess…) Not only do they make a living but they apparently can afford to buy three-storey town houses with big driveways and attics (you gotta have attics!) and an abundance of very long, very elegant coats. Not to mention, they can afford to leave thousands of Christmas lights on, day and night, and for the entirety of the Holidays.
The truth is, if you see enough of these movies (or if you see say, three) you will start noticing the patterns emerging. The basic elements stay the same but there are definitely subgenres. Here are some common ones:
Small Town Vs Big City:
Big city gal’s expensive car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Small town hunk in a beat-up truck (or even better, on horseback) appears out of nowhere to save her. Mildly snarky remarks from him, about the inaptitude of city folk and the thinness of her coat. Mildly snarky remarks from her about his taste in music (Country of course!) and the lack of a decent espresso in small towns. She is stranded until her car is fixed, which is exactly the amount of time it takes her to fall in love with the charm of a small-town kind of life, and the hunk who is, as it turns out, rather sophisticated. Who knew?!
Or: Big city guy’s expensive car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Meets homey single mother/army widow/coffee shop owner who has an adorable kid and a propensity to bake life-altering Xmas cookies. He is stranded until his car is fixed for exactly the amount of time it takes him to fall in love with the small-town kind of life, the army widow and her baked goods. (This variation is trickier and the ending a more ambiguous one when it comes to what happens with the guy, because we can’t have him leave the city, his money, position and company, since that would jeopardise the power dynamics/gender hierarchy to a dangerous degree… That’s only saved for the successful woman as a punishment for being ambitious, while female of course.)
Single Parents:
When the hero or heroine are single parents (and they are that a lot!), that is because of death, never (God forbid!) divorce. Especially in the case of the female character. If you are a woman, marriage is until death do you part, is the message that comes loud and clear, not because of having a choice. When it comes to the male character, on the other hand, being a widower is a common trope even in mainstream cinema, which is often used to indicate that the guy has the emotional capacity to feel human feelings, despite being nifty with the axe (or the gun in the case of army officers). It is actually a very common, cost-free way for a writer to make even a contract killer likeable (see John Wick, etc)
Death in the Family:
When the guy is a single father and a widower, the woman has recently lost her mother. (In short, a woman HAS to die for this genre to work) It’s a nice way to introduce a touch of drama in an otherwise “meh” plot, and a scene about a treasured Christmas ornament gifted by the deceased wife or mother. This usually comes in the form of an Angel, a star ornament, a snow globe, a heart locket, or a diary, which is for reasons unknown - always hidden in the attic, and often discovered while looking for ornaments. Speaking of snow globes: they are more often than not the gift offered to the woman by the man in most of these movies. It’s a wise choice actually, since they all appear to have never seen one before in their entire life.
When the woman is a widow, it is because she lost her husband, who was an army officer. (Cue for pompous statements about the heroism and sacrifice of American heroes “serving” abroad, etc, etc. Cue also, for the guy to talk about his own father/brother/grandfather, who - what a coincidence - also happened to “serve” in the army.
The Enemy at the Gates:
A mega conglomerate threatens a sleepy town and its way of life by planning to close the Christmas market and turning it into condos, or by building a mall where the Christmas tree farm is, or by paving the whole town and turning it into a resort, or by closing the factory that employs the whole town and which manufactures something quaint, old fashioned, and Christmasy, like Christmas tree Angels, or Christmas cookies, etc. The community always bands together in solidarity, and the big bad corporation is always miraculously defeated and leaves them alone by Christmas.
Engaged:
One of the leads in these movies is often engaged to be married. This adds an “edge” to the generally lukewarm romance with the newcomer. Given that these movies are created to be consumed mostly by women (and older guy men), the one who is engaged is usually the female lead. Being chased by two love-struck handsome men is a female romantic fantasy after all. The other guy is usually a dud (if she is a small-town girl, he is a practical, realist, penny-pinching bore (an accountant usually fits the bill) who doesn’t support her dreams. If she is an heiress or a big city executive, he is an arrogant, heartless prick. In either case, he is still sufficiently handsome so that the fantasy can still work.
It is rarely the other way around, mind you, namely the man being the one who is engaged and therefore in the position to choose between two or more women, because that would make the whole scenario too creepy and too close to the reality of everyday women. And who would want that?
Christmas Carol:
This subgenre is inspired by Dicken’s Christmas Carol: a beautiful but cranky woman who owes her crankiness to the fact that she is single (because married women are the epitome of serenity, obviously!) and the fact that she is prioritizing work over men, meets a variety of ghosts (past future and present, etc) who are cautioning her about her choices, which led to her success, and also her husbandless state. Somewhere in the middle of all that, an ex, a handyman/widower will appear who will teach her the meaning of Christmas so convincingly that she will leave her job, her (obviously sinful) ambition, and her dreams behind, in order to cook for him and raise his kids
Royals:
This subgenre deals with the royals of imaginary countries (Zoonopia, Atropia, Whatever-the-fuckia): an everyday woman meets a cute unassuming guy who happens to be a prince, etc., etc. It is often vaguely suggested that these countries are situated in Eastern Europe, and yet people originating from there always speak with a perfect posh British accent for some reason.
A “proper” British actor of yesteryear is usually added to the cast (as the King, Queen, butler, etc) to add some semblance of gravitas and to fool us into thinking that this is anything more than thinly disguised silliness.
The winery Xmas movie:
These movies are usually set in the wine country of Napa, Northern California, and if the budget allows it, France and are all about winery owners. If the winery is big, they are villains, if the winery is small (or “independent”), they are undiscovered geniuses who create magnificent vintages nobody has heard of and are gearing up for a discovery, with the help of the newcomer (who is often part of the family of the villainous big winery, so some pseudo “conflict” is introduced)
There’s usually a lot of “serious” talk about grape varieties, “years”, family tradition, quality of soil and a lot of sniffing into glasses.
The childhood sweetheart:
The professionally successful man/woman is reunited with his/her ex, who has never left their small hometown. Sparks fly when they meet again, even though the woman is engaged with a big-city big shot. In the final scene, the choice is made. The big shot is ditched - and in the case of the woman, so is the big city life and her job.
One of us is a celebrity:
Famous writer, actor, model, influencer, pop singer or (ideally) country singer, arrives in a small town (often their own hometown) and they meet someone who by some miracle has never heard of them, or else their childhood sweetheart / high school crush, who helps them reconnect with what’s important, the Christmas spirit, and all that. In this subgenre, the famous person (even the woman!) does not return to live permanently in the small town by the end of the film. (Being famous is the line that won’t be crossed over, apparently)
Heiress / Heir gone wild:
A variation of the above is the heiress/heir gone wild: rich, irresponsible, philanderer or socialite/party girl are forced to learn the meaning of hard work and simple pleasures when they are stranded in a small town. This is forced upon them by a sick-with-their-shenanigans parent, or often by amnesia (yes, amnesia)
Let’s salute the Army:
Big city gal meets small town marine/army officer/veteran. He is a single father/widower. Teaches her about the meaning of life, sacrifice and the wholesomeness of “serving”. At some point, he chops wood. They sing at church and bake cookies. She forgets the career she has spent her entire life creating and becomes a baker/cupcake maker / tiny coffee shop owner. And supports the troops.
Or: Big city guy meets the daughter of a veteran . Teaches him the meaning of life and sacrifice and the wholesomeness of “serving”. They sing at church and bake cookies.
These American army-worshipping movies (which are mostly, not filmed in America but in Canada…) usually insert some form of “mystery” to be solved to make the patriotism more palatable: an army-related object (usually in the form of a letter, an army jacket, or a medal) is found (in an attic, a thrift shop, a curved box), whose provenance the two leads set out to uncover, giving them the opportunity to visit army bases and have more talks about the army. The discovery eventually leads to a war hero of some kind, and to a cue for more bombastic army rhetoric, and eventually, to a love affair between the two characters.
This patriotic subgenre is targeting a specific demographic obviously and it usually also has a bit extra about “family values” (that’s code for “women must get married, have babies and leave work”) and some church scenes as well: Christmas mass, Christmas sermon, hymn singing, etc., some bible verses, a minimal amount of kissing (if at all) and no alcohol. Seriously! Check it out.
Combinations:
Of course, most of these movies offer various combinations of all these subgenres. For example, you can have the widower being a winery owner who also happens to be an ex-marine, who is also saving his town from the big conglomerate etc. Or the female executive who is visited by the three ghosts, can also be an army-brat, engaged to be married with a big shot, and meets her ex in a small town and they start a winery together. The possibilities are endless obviously…
In all these movies, there is a shorthand, a need for familiarity and safe homogeneousness, a certain aesthetic that needs to be followed to keep the illusion intact. An absolute must-have is packing as many Christmas decorations as possible in every single scene. Multiple trees, ribbons, bells, lights, wreaths, and bubbles are scattered around the houses, even in the bathroom, so that there is not one single shot that is lacking “Christmas spirit”. When it comes to fashion and looks, the women’s hair is usually styled in S-shaped big waves (long if they are home-grown, shoulder-length if they are a big shot city executive). The small-town women will at some point (if not for the entirety of the movie) wear cute short cardigans which they will style with jeans, or better still, with knee-length, A-line skirts or dresses, and “safe-but-feminine” kitten heels. Now the big city women will be dressed in “intimidating” trouser suits, tight, knee-length monochromatic dresses, black or red pencil skirts with white men’s shirt’s, and high heels. Also, long, white, red or checkered coats, a different one for every day, which somehow, we are to believe they could fit in that tiny hand luggage they schlepped from the airport in their high heels. They usually walk in big, confident (and therefore “unfeminine” strides), that indicate they are frigid, cold-hearted, single women who prioritise their career instead of what they ought to: men and babies.
Now, if the Christmas movie is more “liberal” (see: Netflix), the woman is donning the wide-leg “Utility Crop” pants with ankle boots or white sneakers. Also, wide, woollen crop tops, or “ugly Christmas sweaters”. And if the Xmas movie is on the whimsical side (or British), then it is oversized faux fur coats, short floral or animal print dresses, patterned leggings and bon bon earmuffs. For this style to work and spell the message that this is a quirky girl and this is an “independent” Christmas movie, not at all like the others, all the colours and patterns must never match. Only reluctantly and surreally mix. And the girl must get drunk and sing at the top of her lungs, at least once (so that we get it that she is not uptight, but really game. And possibly, artistic)
For the male lead, things are simple but equally revealing as a shorthand for who he is: For the big city guy, it’s always (ALWAYS) dark, slim-fit suits and grey, mid-length Trench coats. If we are going to get really crazy, then maybe also a woollen scarf? Also, a white or off-white fisherman sweater if he is standing near a fireplace, to indicate that he possesses a more relaxed side.
For the small-town hunk, it’s jeans and flannel shirts all the way, that will at some point be taken off during some wood cutting/tree cutting activity. Also, when outside, a parka in red or blue, but preferably in a khaki colour so that the army connection will be implied, in case it was not properly spoon-fed by the scenario in an earlier scene.
For the fiancé who will be ditched by the end of the movie: if he is rich, dark, very tight suits, if he is poor, sweater vests.
The trend of the anodyne, generic, second screen viewing has branched out to TV shows, streaming shows and series of movies as well, the kind that would not have survived back when you had to be good at the writing business to be given a writing gig, and before our attention span was not shorten dramatically by years of social media scrolling and a lack of reading. Shows and movies like “The Good Witch”, “Virgin River”, “Sweet Magnolias”, “Sullivan’s Crossing”, “Cedar Cove”, “When Calls the Heart”, “When Hope Calls”, “Garage Sale Mysteries”, “The Chesapeake Shore”, the 14 (yes, 14!) “Signed, Sealed & Delivered” movies. etc. fall into that category. And so do The Meghan Markle Netflix “shows” by the way. “Young” and “Emily in Paris” do the same with a much bigger budget of course. (Many people would include “Gilmore Girls” and “Hart of Dixie” in this category, just because they also take place in small quirky communities, but only because these people don’t know what the hell they are talking about, given that unlike all the above, Gilmore Girls is sharp, witty, intelligently written, with well-developed characters, storylines that (mostly) make sense, a stellar cast, and actual jokes, while Hart of Dixie is just pure fun. Actual fun, not Im-hate-watching-while-I’m-doing-the-dishes-and-occasionally-half-smile-ironically fun. Which goes to show: it’s not the lightness we hate. It’s the pointlessness and the paint-by-numbers quality.
Most of these shows and movies are forgettable, predictable and only distinguishable from their secondary characteristics (the Christmas decorations, often the scenery – which is usually Canadian - and in the case of the bigger budget ones, like the aforementioned “Emily in Paris”, the designer clothes, the parties, the magnificent European locations, etc) They are not passionate and colourful enough to qualify as soaps, (in fact I’ll take an outrageously fun soap over them gladly) and not well written enough to qualify as “proper” series, (keeping you engaged in a real manner, making you feel things, forcing you to root for characters and have an actual connection with them, in the way a well written piece of work can). They are created in order to be forgettable (on purpose!) to just be “there” while you are working, cleaning the house, wrapping the presents, or falling asleep. Keeping you mildly and lukewarmly interested. But not really, you know? They are the lollypops of TV viewing: they will keep you from feeling hungry, but they are nothing but boiled sugar. They sell a generic, palliative, outdated, glossed-over version of reality that doesn’t make you think, feel or wish anything. That doesn’t – and shouldn’t – really exist.
But then again, who can argue with popularity? And the sad, gut-wrenching, marching towards inoffensive and sedative generalities, shifting of the times?
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Thank you! What a brilliant essay.